"Your parents are two different religions? How does that work?" Some people make it sound like the plague. If it's love, you make it work. But to those who say it's easy: you're liars. Multiple discussions on me and my brother's upbringing were the majority of my parent's conversations and occasional arguments. My dad's side of the family is Christian, who holds their spirituality close to them and didn't completely agree with the possibility of raising us Jewish; my mom's religion.
The biggest lesson my parents taught me about love is sacrifice. Although Christianity is a big part of my dad, he sacrificed what he and his family believed, to raise my brother and me Jewish. He gave it up so that he could be with the person he loved. This does not mean we never supported my dad. We encouraged him to put the Christmas tree up every year and to celebrate his beliefs. When people asked about what my dad did for Christmas, the answer was always: "We celebrate with him."
Embarrassing picture of my brother and I reppin' some Christmas sweaters and trees.
Don't get me wrong, I heard naysayers from all sides with our spiritual upbringing, in the synagogue and outside of it. Kids at the synagogue would tell me: "You're not fully Jewish. You're only half because your dad is Christian." (That one stung) Or in Kindergarten: "That's a sin, you and your parents are going to hell." That one didn't sting, but it was definitely weird, considering I never heard of hell, nor did I believe in it. Either way, none of it was easy for a kid to hear.
The point is, my brother and I know we're Jewish. Celebrating all, or few holidays of different religions never diminished our own beliefs or made us any "Less Jewish." Thinking in a narrow mindset like that would have stunted our growth.
Now, if you're thinking: "Why did your dad give up his own religion for your mom? Isn't that taking his own happiness away?" Think about this; we sacrifice parts of ourselves for people we love every single day. Whether it's moving to a different state away from family (Which my mom did), taking a new job, or selling your favorite pair of shoes to support your significant other's aspiring karaoke band — people go above and beyond to be with someone.
Side Note: If you haven’t seen the movie Keeping The Faith, you should. A priest and a rabbi fall for the same girl. Without giving away any spoilers, she’s forced to explore her own beliefs and her significant other’s beliefs. This movie dives deep into what it’s like having to figure it all out; although, forewarning it totally is a romantic comedy and isn’t 100% realistic. I.E. Ben Stiller showing up at your front step in a yamulcha.
I think this is what many tend to forget about life — sometimes you can't have it all. Let's say you want to continue being the CEO of a major company and that means being in the office 24/7. But you also want to be a full-time, stay-at-home mom or dad; adjustments have to be made. Whether it's a small adjustment or a big one — in some cases what you're sacrificing isn't a loss, it's a gain for something that could be better.
Sure, you could go the interfaith route where you study all religions. With some this has worked out amazingly, with others, it can get confusing. It all depends on who you are, what your relationship is like, and if your religion is non-negotiable to you. What's my biggest advice? Open up the discussion with who you're dating — argue with them. If you don't fight or talk about it, then you don't care enough.
If religion is non-negotiable for you, think about this: The last two people are on earth with you. One is abusive, but the same faith and the other isn't the same faith but isn't abusive, who do you choose to be with? I'm hoping you would pick the non-abusive person. At the end of the day, are you going to allow something that has been known to cause wars in a variety of countries dictate who you love? Some of the most amazing people aren't the same religion as you, and that's the beautiful part about it. Allow them to show you the world in a new light. (Now softly singing Aladdin's A Whole New World, to the keyboard like a loser.)
Am I saying that dating within your religion is a dumb idea? Absolutely not, this is an extremely opinionated piece, and I'm simply offering a different point of view. Whoever you're with, if they're the same faith or not, all that matters is if you're happy. What I am saying is if you're torn about someone you love don't let anything stand in your way. Fight for it because life is short and time is precious.
Whether it's through support, flowers, food, art, ideas, whatever — relationships are built and strengthened through constantly giving from both sides. So, if you're curious about how it could work between you and your S.O.'s interfaith beliefs, ask yourself: What would you be willing to give up to be with them?